10. Don’t Be Sipping Coffee. I know you want to show off your French press and grinder but refrain from brewing up a fresh cup while speaking.
9. Wear Shoes...I know barefoot is more comfortable, but “big people” where shoes when in front of other “big people” (that is what I have heard?)
8. Don’t Say “Sucks”… yes this “sucks”, but “suck it up” and don’t be a “sucker” or you will end up sucking on a milkshake on at your new job flipping hamburgers and that really will SUCK!!
7. Cover Your Tattoos. Especially the sweet neck tat of your college girl friend’s face.
6. Don’t Yell…I know the Sr. Pastor does, but he can get away with it. You will just come off angry, loud, and aggressive, that needs to be saved for the next youth committee meeting?
5. No Smoking or Vaping on Stage. As stressed out as you are by the whole thing don’t do it!
4. Dress Like an Adult. You are a 30-something now, put away the ripped skinny jeans and your Juice World t-shirt this time around
3. Preach Out of the Bible… Yes, that new “Street Paraphrase” is way cool and hip, but the senior saints just might not get the version of Ps. 23 with “you sit me on a comfy couch and put on my mellow jams. You order me up enough pizza for my crew..”
2. Do Not Refer to your Spouse as Hot… Just experiencing talking here, just DON’T DO IT, not in front of the adults in any context.
1. Refrain from Riding Anything Onto the Stage… Pogo sticks, motorcycles, skateboards, any live animals, or riding in on the shoulders of your adoring students because the other pastors finally gave in and to let you speak.